Like a Natural-ish Woman

In continuation of the last blog post when I addressed one of ten questions given to me by a dear friend wanting to know me better, here’s another one.

What is your best physical feature?

Seriously? I’m a woman. Is it possible to have a favorite body part? I thought we were supposed to loathe ourselves.

I will answer your question, dear friend, because as you know, there isn’t much I won’t talk about. And while this answer could be summed up  in three words, being a woman, I will expound on my answer using colorful language and quite possibly taking a few detours, ultimately coming back to my simple answer. Because you are of the same breed, I know you will appreciate this lengthy answer. And the answer is:

Eyes and Toes

Until junior high, I was a fairly average kid. I wasn’t under weight. I wasn’t overweight. Quite frankly, I thought myself as pretty darn cute! Then one morning, during my early teens years, I woke up and I had boobs! Not even small ones. I don’t ever remember wearing a training bra, much less shopping for one. BAM! There they were. “Uh, why would you sneak up on me like that? Don’t you think we should ease into this long-term relationship? No introduction?” Well, alright then! My mother would always nag me to stand tall. “Walk straight! Shoulders back and down.” Surely no one would notice my big chest underneath the hunched shoulders. Surely. You know the popular saying, Hello, my eyes are up here? That was all me.

Along with the big breasts, I was also “blessed” with big hips, thighs and booty.  A high school boyfriend of mine even told me I had Amazonian calves. Nice . . . but unfortunately true.  I can’t seem to find a pair of sexy, black, knee-high boots to save my life. So while my stature proved beneficial to my dad when it came to rearranging the house and moving furniture, it presented another problem.

Shopping.

I have a love/hate relationship with shopping. I LOVE spending money. I LOVE the adrenalin rush of a huge sale. Buying something, no matter how hideous, that was originally $150.00  for $3.00 is what I imagine men feel when they shoot and kill a grizzly with just one arrow. I’m sure the men will disagree, but  work with me here! I love shopping for other people, especially my kids. Who doesn’t love to give? Shopping is good. It helps our economy and I am committed to being a responsible citizen . . . until I have to buy an outfit for a special event or a swimsuit for summer. SUCK A DUCK! I’d rather go to the gynecologist.  You’d think the department stores would have better mirrors. Lie to me. I’m okay being lied to. Khol’s would have more of my money if I thought everything looked good on my size 6 frame. No, I’m not size 6, but that’s how awesome those hypothetical mirrors are!

So standing there, surrounded by carnival mirrors in an outfit that I think should fit me but doesn’t, sends me spiraling into reoccurring emotions of depression and defeat, vowing never to eat again. I leave the store empty-handed and head straight to the nearest Chick-Fil-A for a chicken sandwich, waffle fries and a sweet iced tea because what the hell, I’m not going to be a Victoria Secret’s panty model anytime soon. This has been my reality since puberty. Thus, my love for make-up, accessories, purses and shoes began.

I am sure my self-abasement is off-putting to some. If you really know me, then you know that I am pretty comfortable in my skin, regularly work out and eat moderately. I just got screwed genetically in that area and have accepted that it is my burden to have a pretty face, the voice of an angel and a winning personality.

So now that I have listed all my flaws, I am ready to explains the reason for why I feel my eyes and toes are my best physical features.

I have brown eyes.  Not uncommon. Most would guess right seeing me from a distance. My lashes aren’t particularly long so that doesn’t make my eyes exceptional. But I love color. I love make-up and experimenting. While some people YouTube instructional videos to learn a new valuable trade to better themselves as people, I like to watch how-to videos on make-up techniques. What colors work best for my eye color? What shades are good for day and what shades are good for night? Thick liner? No liner? Cat eyes? Au naturel? Nope! Never. It doesn’t matter size or race, a little (or a lot of) make-up can help change how you feel about yourself. And if you feel good about yourself, you carry yourself with more confidence. And quite honestly, confidence is sexy.

I love that God has created a blank canvas for us to experiment with color. My hair, me eyes and my fingernails and toenails have been various colors through the years. The Amish don’t know what their missing!

I can’t really expound on my reasons for liking my toes. I just do. They are rarely ever unpainted, and the color of choice is mostly various shades of pink. Pink is my signature color.

I have many tall, skinny friends. One particular Barbie, I give a hard time to because it rattles her cage and nothing makes me giddier than making a skinny person nervous! Once I told Jenny that I am convinced that the skinny people on earth will be fat in Heaven and those of us who carry extra weight will be skinny. And while she was skinny for a lifetime, I will be thin for eternity, and how awesome is that?! “Jenny, you will be my fat friend in Heaven!” She laughed, but it was a laugh that said, “God, I hope not! And that’s not even Biblical!” While this story has no bearing to this post, I thought you should know that I also appreciate color (usually dark humor) in my interpersonal relationships.

Skinny or fat, black or white, short or tall – yes, we are all beautiful. We all have beautiful features and we ALL have imperfections. Color it, dye it or hide it with a big stylish bag or under a ball cap. One of “my”  mottos is: The shinier, the better. Whatever makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. But have fun, lighten up and make the best with what God gave you.

P.S. I warned you I’d ramble